Afraid of New Normalcy and Stray Bread

It’s the end of the semester, and I should be working on a research paper right now. But I looked out my window and watching a squirrel walk down the sidewalk. And I was jealous.

Nothing is stopping me from going outside, taking Loki, and going on a long walk around my neighborhood. It’s definitely possible, I have a fabric face mask to act as an extra barrier between me and the world. But I thought about the people in cities, in tall apartment buildings. Where the feelings of don’t go outside must be looming higher than in suburbia.

But as I watched this squirrel walk down the sidewalk, it felt normal to be sitting inside writing a research paper. As if I had always written all my papers in this spot, looking out my window like a damsel in distress.

Maybe I am in distress. I can’t focus on my work and the squirrel just came back down the sidewalk with half a loaf of bread. Maybe I’ll get so comfortable inside that once things begin to open back up, I won’t want to go.

I’m afraid that I’ll lose the desire to be out in the world. That I won’t want to drive around aimlessly or walk on the beach at night. I’ll get too used to online shopping and looking out this window.

The squirrel is gone but left the rest of the bread. I don’t know why it feels like that should mean something.


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